Facing the “what ifs”
Day 45
Tate has received some fun things the past couple days. Actually, she receives fun things everyday Thank you for providing so much sunshine in her day through your generosity and caring hearts. She’s received pictures colored by littles, cards galore, and gifts. She even won $14 on a lottery scratch off. I can’t wait to show you her valentines card wall on V-Day! We’d love to publicly thank each of you but I’m so afraid I’d leave someone out. I also can’t possibly snap pictures of them all. I’m trying so hard to not miss anyone with a text or written or email or Amazon thank you. If I have missed you-please know we are so grateful for the love shown in so many ways!
After too many days and nights of increasing pain with increased dilaudid use with little pain relief, Tate switched back to morphine today. It’ll take a little bit to titrate up. We’re praying this switch helps. Today was day 2 of IVIG. Always makes her feel crummy before it does it’s job to protect her brain.
I was feeling rather lonely that I hadn’t met any moms in the unit yet. COVID keeps everyone pretty isolated. I met two moms yesterday and it’s honestly rocked my world ever since. Their situations are sad and overwhelming and terrifying. They are not the exception up here. It brings me to tears and dredges up all the fears you try to stuff while trying not to anticipate the nightmare you’re headed into. I had to excuse myself from the conversation as they are on the other side of transplant and I just wasn’t ready to fully face the “what ifs” of what we’re headed into. I now know God was protecting my heart all these weeks. Because I’m now 100% walking forward in faith. And it’s terrifying. I thought we were prepared but realized that you can’t possibly prepare for this but have to walk blindly trusting that God is pulling you forward. Pray for these families. Pray for their babies Vinny and Adeline. And pray that God uses this horrific place they have no choice but to sit in to bring them closer to him. ❤️🩹